Everywhere you look these days, you run into Santa Claus. He’s at the mall posing for pictures. He’s in the songs telling you he “is coming to town.” He’s in commercials, on posters, in parades, and in the heads of nearly every child across America.
But he’s not in our house.
My husband and I very deliberately made the decision not to introduce our children to Santa Claus.
Now, I want to make a quick disclaimer before I go any farther:
I don’t claim to have THE right answer that should be the norm for every family in America. I know many wonderful families (including my relatives!) who allow their children to believe in Santa Claus. So, I am writing this post with zero judgement on those who differ from me. I just want to share what our family does and why we do it.
Why We Don’t Do Santa Claus
1. We Don’t Want to Lie
We don’t want to lie to our kids. Ever. Period. And, in our opinion, telling them that something we know is untrue is actually real constitutes a lie.
Trust is a precious thing. We want our children to trust every word we say, to know that their parents will always be truthful with them–even when it’s hard. Saying that Santa Claus is real may seem harmless, but it is not true. And, if our children found out that we had told them a lie, it could undervalue the trust that we work so hard to build in our family.
2. We Don’t Want Them to Doubt the Real
One night in grad school I was talking with a group of friends. Somehow we began talking about when we discovered that Santa wasn’t real. During the conversation, three of my friends admitted that this discovery led them to seriously doubt the story of Jesus. If their parents hadn’t told the truth about Santa, could Jesus be a myth as well?!
We want our children to know, without a shadow of a doubt, that everything we celebrate at Christmas (and throughout the rest of the year) is real. Real with a capital R. More real that we can even understand. The Incarnation of Christ is the ultimate Reality that changed the world forever.
3. The Reality of Christmas is Just So Much More Amazing
The reality of Christmas is far more amazing that a jolly man who delivers presents on a sleigh pulled by reindeer. The reality of the Incarnation should cause us to pause in astonishment, to catch our breaths, to fall down upon our faces. When we can focus on that Reality, why would we want to sidetrack our children with a myth about Santa?
As St. John Chrysostom, a fourth century bishop and preacher, said in his famous Nativity homily:
“What shall I say! And how shall I describe this Birth to you? For this wonder fills me with astonishment. The Ancient of Days has become an infant. He Who sits upon the sublime and heavenly Throne, now lies in a manger. And He Who cannot be touched, now lies subject to the hands of men. He Who has broken the bonds of sinners, is now bound by an infant’s bands.”
In the face of that reality, any other Christmas story is completely unnecessary.
What We Do Instead
So, if we don’t do Santa Claus, how do we celebrate Christmas?
1. We Fast in Preparation
In the Eastern Orthodox Church, we fast for the 40 days before Christmas. Fasting for us means abstaining from meat and dairy, among other things. We are basically vegan for a purpose. We fast from excess in our diet so that we can focus on prayer and almsgiving. The 40 days are days of deep stillness, of preparation, of waiting for the miracle that will unfold in the Nativity.
2. We Worship Christ on Christmas
All Orthodox Churches have Liturgy on Christmas Eve. Some of these take place in the early evening. However, most traditionally celebrate this Liturgy at midnight. We welcome Christ, we thank God for the miracle of his Incarnation by our worship. We partake of the Body and Blood of Christ in the Eucharist. We experience deep and true Communion with the One who became one of us for our salvation.
3. We Celebrate with Food and Church Family
One of my first impressions of the Orthodox Church was, “These people sure know how to party!” Because we have been fasting for 40 days, the joy of the feast is that much richer. Most churches celebrate with some sort of meal after Nativity Liturgy. We eat richly, laugh heartily, and raise our glasses in joy.
4. We Give Gifts as a Family
Finally, after all of the fasting, the worship, and the celebration, we give gifts to each other as reminders of the great gift of our Lord. Our children know that these gifts are from us–chosen especially for them by the people who love them most in the world. And, really, what is more magical than that?
In the end, our children don’t miss out on Santa Claus. They know that they have so much more.
How does your family celebrate Christmas?
I like what you said about trust. I think that’s very important and I really never thought about it in that way.
We do talk about Santa/St. Nicholas very often here. My children know his story and they know that Santa developed from the legendary goodness of St. Nicholas. We give gifts in his name – even our Christmas tree! But I don’t think that we’re lying to them or presenting a false reality because the saints are very much alive in Christ and we know they love us and are with us. So our giving gifts in his name is an extension of our love for him and for Christ and a way to bless our family without receiving credit or thanks. As Orthodox we understand that reality is more than what can be comprehended by our senses.
I hope this doesn’t come across as criticizing your choice – it’s certainly not meant to. Just wanted to explain a different perspective. 🙂
Thanks for your perspective, Lisa! We teach our children about St. Nicholas and have a big celebration on the feast day of St. Nicholas. However, we feel that our culture has hijacked a wonderfully inspiring saint and used him for commercial purposes. The story of Santa Claus now bears no resemblance to that of St. Nicholas. Because of this, we just focus on St. Nicholas on Dec. 6 and the Nativity on Christmas.
Once when my oldest son was 3 a cashier asked him what Santa Claus was bringing him for Christmas. He said, “Nothing. But, St. Nicholas is real, and we have his icon at home!” I loved his clarity!
We made the same choice with our kids many years ago when our twins were babies (they are now 13)! We took a lot of flack from family about that decision but we never regretted it. Our reasons were much the same as yours- we wanted the focus on Jesus and we didn’t want to lie to them. Ironically, my sister, who told me I was nuts and paranoid at the time, made the same decision 5 years later when she had her first 🙂 Our kids have told us how very glad they are that we never lied to them about Santa (or the Easter bunny or the tooth fairy).
I’m so glad that your kids “turned out ok”! We also have gotten some criticism, so it’s nice to hear from parents whose children are older than ours. (Ours are 6, 3, and 2). Thanks for sharing!
One of my friends and I had this same conversation before we even had kids. Her parents never told her there was or wasn’t a Santa. Growing up, there were always just “presents to open on Christmas Day.” When she was old enough to question her parents, they said that they never lied, they just let her have her own beliefs and make up her own mind. I loved that idea and I’ve tried to do it with my own kids, although in hindsight I feel like I’ve played into the “Santa is coming” idea more than I should have.
How did you have the “Santa conversation” with your kids?
We’ve tried not to make a big deal of it. If we see a Santa somewhere–in decorations or in person–we’ll just say, “Santa is a fun story that some families like to tell. We know that St. Nicholas is real and that Christmas is the time to celebrate Jesus’s birthday.” And, we generally leave it at that. When my oldest son was four and in preschool, we talked with him about not telling others that Santa wasn’t real. We didn’t want him to be “that kid”!
We also do not involve Santa Claus in our Christmas celebration. For several of the same reasons. It is my hope and prayer that our children’s hearts will be turned towards our glorious savior in service and love and be totally sold out to our Lord Jesus Christ. May our good God turn His face toward you sister!
We celebrate Christmas in all the same ways that you do : )
And, we’ve always told our daughter the truth about Santa for the same reasons you state. But, of course, she is aware of the larger culture, and she asked to *pretend* that St. Nicholas delivers gifts – so we do!
In our house, he drops by after Liturgy on St. Nicholas Day (since he’s a Bishop, he absolutely does not stay up all night before Liturgy delivering gifts!), and fills the stocking just before we get home from Church. Somehow we always just miss seeing him! ; ) Occasionally, I also run into him at the store when I’m running errands before Christmas, and he sends me home with a gift for her!
We have the best of both worlds – she can pretend and have the fun, without us lying to her or taking our focus off Christ at Christmas : )
I love that he can’t come at night because he is preparing for Liturgy! By the way, it’s always fun to find other Orthodox bloggers. Nice to meet you 🙂
I love this. Also, I had an interesting conversation with my 7-year-old son about the idea that Santa gives children gifts “if they’re good.” We don’t do the Santa thing, and he knows that his family gives him gifts. I asked him if we give him gifts because he’s good. “Well…no.”
Then I said, “You’re right. We give you gifts because we love you. It’s kind of like Jesus- he didn’t come because we were good, and He doesn’t give us salvation because we’re good. It’s because He loves us.”
What a great conversation to be able to have with your son! I love it when there are natural teachable moments in our days. Thanks for sharing.
Interesting perspective.. I still teeter tot back and forth on the subject.. I could definitely do without Santa, but it is hard with the inlaws.. so far I have just been skating by on the fact that Eli is too young to understand.. We’ll see what next year brings! Thanks for sharing! : )
It can be tricky when dealing with family who might have a different viewpoint. We simply told our parents what we were planning on doing, and they have respected that. When we celebrate with my family, however, my two nephews are being raised with Santa. That’s where it gets trickier!
My husband and I were just discussing this week how if we had it all to do over again we would NEVER have done the whole Santa thing with our kids. More and more I do feel like I’m lying to my kids and quite frankly those letters/ lists to Santa just breed all kinds of greed and make my skin crawl. I’d much rather have had my kids focus on the joy and giving of the season and somehow Santa has led them to focus on the getting and why they don’t get the same types of things as all their friends. It just never dawned on me that there was any other option when my oldest was born…. we followed the traditions of both our families…
Thank you so much for sharing your perspective. My oldest son is just starting to realize that he often gets different kinds of gifts than his friends do. There are several families in his class with kids who get TONS of presents, but we just do “something to wear, something to play with, and something to read.” He’s usually ok with it, but I know that it can be hard for kids to be different.
In the past we’ve said Santa Claus brought what was in the stockings, and we’ve never made a big fuss. I know some families who go all out. This year my youngest son asked me for the truth (he and his little school mates have been debating Santa Claus – real or not real) and I told him. He was sad for a minute, but now is fine. We too want to keep things simple and focused on Christ, family, and love. Thanks for sharing your perspective. I appreciate hearing it! Visiting from Small Victories Sunday.
I’m curious–how old was your son? I am wondering when most kids begin to doubt that Santa exists. Anyone have any thoughts?